CHAPTER *20*: The Night Before DOOM: A Poem from the Past

Last year, about a week before DOOM was released, I wrote a poem about "The Night Before DOOM," an obvious parody of "The Night Before Christmas." In celebration of DOOM's birthday, Christmas 1995, and in memory of 1994, I return "The Night Before DOOM" to everyone.

           T H E  N I G H T  B E F O R E   *-D-*-*-O-*-*-O-*-*-M-*
            Written by: Hank Leukart (ap641@cleveland.freenet.edu)

                         `Twas the night before DOOM,
                          and all through the house,
                   I had set up my multi-playing networks,
                              each with a mouse.
                          The networks were strung,
                           with extra special care
                             in hopes that DOOM,
                             soon would be there.
              The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
             while visions of demons danced through their heads.
                 And my computer's processor it was so quick,
                      boy was I glad I bought that 486.
             When out on the Internet there was a Usenet posting,
                I dialed right in to see what it was boasting.
                 Off to the news reader I flew like a hound,
                 "Oh no," I cried!  The news reader was down!
                 Frustrated, bewildered, feeling really low,
              I leaned back to see what I heard out the window.
                When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
                  but a group of 6 cars, driving 60 I fear!
                With a big young driver, just look at him go!
                 I knew in a moment, it must be John Romero!
                 Over the speed limit, his band of cars came,
            And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
                           "Now, Jay! Now, John!
                            Now, Dave and Kevin!
                           On, Adrian! On, Sandy!
                           On, Shawn and Robert!"
                         To the top of the driveway!
                             Don't hit that wall!
             Now stop your car, stop your car, stop your car all!
                    Leaving the car, he entered the house,
                Walking quietly, so as to not wake the spouse.
           He was dressed in a T-shirt, and a a pair of jeans too,
                   I was unsure of what he was going to do.
                   Boxes of DOOM he had flung on his back,
             and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
         Those boxes - how they sparkled!  The shrink-wrap so tight!
          The character was drawn on the front, just ready to fight!
                The Chain Saw and Shotgun he held in his hand,
              Where was the BFG9000?: The best gun in the land.
                   And then I saw it, strapped to his back,
                Along with a copy of the "Official" DOOM FAQ!
                A wink of John's eye and a twist of his head,
                 Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
             He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
            Installed it on the network, then turned with a jerk.
                      And placing a hand into his jeans,
                   out came his keys - oh how they gleamed!
             He sprang to his car, to the id team gave a whistle,
         and away they all drove, like DOOM's launching of a missile.
             But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
(Back to the index)


CHAPTER *21*: Other literature available from Hank Leukart

Other literature from Hank Leukart includes:

(Back to the index)


CHAPTER [22]: Conclusion

Phew! Well, that is all I have! I hope this FAQ proves to provide a good resource for DOOM information. If you have any suggestions, additions, or comments for the FAQ, send me E-mail at "ap641@cleveland.freenet.edu". Now, I will just wait in horror as id Software releases a press release about a new, upcoming game. Thanks for reading the FAQ! -Hank Leukart


(Back to the index)


CHAPTER [23]: Revision History


[23-1]: Pre-Game-Release FAQs

v1.0:  First release of the DOOM FAQ.  (October 25, 1993 EST)

v1.0a: When ASCII uploading v1.0, the spacing malfunctioned.  This is
       the same version as 1.0, except with fixed spacing. (October 25, 1993

v2.0:  First major revision of the "Official" DOOM FAQ.  Id gets involved,
       giving new information.  The FAQ is rearranged.  The FAQ is renamed
       from "The DOOM FAQ" to "The 'Official' DOOM FAQ." (November 1,
       1993 EST)

v2.5:  A standard revision of the "Official" DOOM FAQ.  More information
       comes in on what DOOM will and won't support.  More DOOM iNsAnItY is
       added. Information on related DOOM software is added.  Information on
       DOOM's music and multi-playing is added.  Sorry!  The "Official"
       DOOM FAQ is no longer 666 lines. :)  (November 13, 1993 EST)

v2.6:  A minor revision of the "Official" DOOM FAQ.  Grammatic and spelling
       errors are corrected.  The use of asterixs, parenthesis, and
       brackets are used to highlight which information is new to a FAQ.
       Two new additions to DOOM iNsAnItY that didn't quite make it
       to the v2.5 release are added.  More multi-playing information
       added.  (November 17, 1993 EST)

[23-2]: Post-Game-Release FAQs

v5.0:  A major revision of the "Official" DOOM FAQ.  DOOM is released.  FAQ
       is completely rewritten.  FAQ tells about troubleshooting, cheating,
       and add-on software.  New additions to DOOM iNsAnItY.  (December 18,
       1993 EST)

v5.5:  A standard revision of the "Official" DOOM FAQ.  DOOM v1.2 is
       released, and information on modem play is added.  DOOM iNsAnItY is
       released seperately.  A complete list of add-on software, modem init
       strings, and troubleshooting guidelines are added.  (February 24,
       1994 EST)

v5.6:  A minor revision of the "Official" DOOM FAQ.  New add-on software is
       added.  Many grammatic problems fixed.  The secrets section is
       rewritten. (April 17, 1994 EST)

v5.7   A minor revision of the "Official" DOOM FAQ.  Secret information
       completed.  New add-on software, more grammatic problems fixed.
       Released in the DOOM v1.4 package.  (June 28, 1994 EST)

v5.8:   A minor revision of the "Official" DOOM FAQ.  Minor grammatic
        problems fixed, updated for v1.666 of DOOM.  Released in the DOOM v1.666
        package.  (August 30, 1994 EST)

v6.666: A standard revision of the "Official" DOOM FAQ.  DOOM II 
        information added.  A large amount of new add-on software, 
        updated information on ports and more.  (DOOMSDAY (December 10), 
        1994 EST)

(Back to the index)

+This HTML version of the FAQ is maintained by TJ@hmc.edu and brought to you by The DOOMWeb.